Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
