She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
So apparently I’m into choking now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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