Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
