another moral hangover. fuck.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
pray to the hookup gods
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
