i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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