I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
