If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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