I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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