Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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