did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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