The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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