A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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