You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just gargled with NyQuil
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
