sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
