On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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