I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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