If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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