I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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