is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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