Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
