I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
