Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Randomize
