woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
