apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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