oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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