Whatcha textin bout Willis?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
