Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
