somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize