My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
