if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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