I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
where are you?
Hypothermia
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
tell me about the eggs
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize