Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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