you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
