your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
