he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
