and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
