Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
