I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
So many bounce houses so little time
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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