I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
