my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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