im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
They took my balls.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
