Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
