I got chris browned last night
Non-Jews are for practice
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
