you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
