The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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