You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Is Oprah even human
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
