haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
So here I am, sexting at work.
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