Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
