i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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