Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Randomize
