it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that