Texts From Last Night

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  (905): View more from Toronto

  I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..

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  (905): I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact.. http://tfl.nu/kbzw
  Replies (42) Good night (775) Bad night (5915)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...

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  (425): I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results... http://tfl.nu/tn0b
  Replies (14) Good night (1095) Bad night (7784)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Say it nicely.

  (1-303): View more from Colorado

  Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?

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  (303): Say it nicely. (1-303): Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy? http://tfl.nu/5ned
  Replies (51) Good night (16405) Bad night (1305)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.

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  (732): I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it. http://tfl.nu/c1o6
  Replies (5) Good night (2882) Bad night (1976)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.

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  (703): Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea. http://tfl.nu/zyyz
  Replies (17) Good night (815) Bad night (3231)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.

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  (386): Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation. http://tfl.nu/xc4n
  Replies (27) Good night (5278) Bad night (1728)
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  (530): View more from California

  Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.

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  (530): Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed. http://tfl.nu/8sey
  Replies (12) Good night (890) Bad night (2948)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes

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  (812): Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes http://tfl.nu/54ik
  Replies (8) Good night (632) Bad night (1969)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.

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  (319): After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it. http://tfl.nu/4aze
  Replies (4) Good night (1154) Bad night (559)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.

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  (+44): You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4. http://tfl.nu/tyhh
  Replies (2) Good night (1884) Bad night (602)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..

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  (217): The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car.. http://tfl.nu/pl9j
  Replies (7) Good night (607) Bad night (1030)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.

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  (608): Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation. http://tfl.nu/o18n
  Replies (6) Good night (867) Bad night (274)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.

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  (708): I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask. http://tfl.nu/zz6r
  Replies (7) Good night (1051) Bad night (405)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.

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  (908): i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real. http://tfl.nu/55e2
  Replies (0) Good night (443) Bad night (298)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart

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  (570): Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart http://tfl.nu/586o
  Replies (3) Good night (399) Bad night (169)

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