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• (133): View more from

  YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby

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• (781): View more from Massachusetts

  Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.

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  23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.

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• (831): View more from California

  I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese

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  These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.

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• (+91): View more from India

  I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !

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• (585): View more from New York

  It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.

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