Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?