my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
