i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
