he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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