I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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