Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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