Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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