I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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