I need help removing her.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
