if you like me you must not know who I am
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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