Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Randomize
