I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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