Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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