he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
