East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
