Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
