Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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