nut hugger
Just fell off a train. Bad.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Every concussion has its silver lining
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
