I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
